Putting the Puzzle Pieces Together

I don’t know if I can put it into words.  This morning, in church, I realized that my mom could die tomorrow while in surgery.  She could have a severe allergic reaction.  She almost died before because of an allergic reaction.  The doctors could make a mistake.  Dad died because his doctor made a mistake.  Sometimes people just don’t wake up from anesthesia. 

I found myself tearing up and thinking, “This is why I don’t get close to people.  I spend all this time alone so that I won’t be so broken by someone’s death or leaving.”

Before I went to church, I came across John 1:5 where it says, “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not overcome it.”  I remember a lesson from a book I read in sixth grade… darkness never overcomes light.  When you open a closet door, the darkness doesn’t come out, but the light goes into the closet.  I also remember a lesson from a Sunday school lesson during college the teacher said, “We are not fighting for victory.  Rather, we are fighting from victory.”  Finally, I remember a quote from a story I read which states, “Without your wound, where would your power be?”

After I went to church, I watched Christmas movies.  Somehow, I ended up watching “The Christmas Blessing.”  In this movie, the following line struck me: “It is amazing how a pair of shoes could change a person’s life.”  If you don’t know anything about this movie, it is a sequel to “The Christmas Shoes”.  Basically, a bunch of people die and these shoes impact the living as well as those who die.

I also watched “A Christmas Snow”, which reminded me of a poem that my dad wrote for me on the day that I was baptized.  My dad wanted me to remember the values that I learned in my Christian home.  In the movie, the lady learns to love again even though her dad abandoned their family at a young age and recently died.

I already know that without dad’s death the circumstances would not have been set for me to experience what I did to become the person I am with the career I am in today.  However, all of this information didn’t quite make a clear picture.  But, then I remembered a quote which reads, “’Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

I’m not there yet, but my cautious heart is listening.

 

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